How to Know If You’re in a Healthy Relationship?: Learning Strategies for Black Women in Los Angeles, CA
You're still confused about whether you are in a toxic or healthy relationship. It can be confusing when you've been conditioned to tolerate behaviors and patterns in relationships that don’t make you feel good. And you often think you should just “give it time” or a “real chance” before making any rash decisions. You’ve recognized that your relationships haven't been exactly the healthiest in the past, so you might struggle with knowing what a healthy relationship looks and feels like.
As a relationship issues therapist in Los Angeles, CA, I have seen many clients come to me with this exact struggle. They are unsure if the relationship they are in is healthy or not, which can lead to constant confusion and stress. So, are you finally in a healthy relationship? Let’s see! I’m spilling the tea about healthy relationships for Black Women in Los Angeles, CA.
Do You Feel Safe?
One of the biggest signs of a healthy relationship is feeling safe! When you're with your partner, you should feel like you're hanging out with your best friend. You should feel comfortable and confident sharing anything with them without fear or embarrassment. And if you do feel any fear or embarrassment, it's only temporary because your partner is truly listening, fully engaged, and validating your feelings.
In a healthy relationship, you can express your emotions openly, honestly, and immediately without the fear of upsetting him or being dismissed. Your partner will take your feelings and experiences seriously; if it’s important to you, it’s important to him. They will make you feel seen, heard, understood, and like you're the only one for them.
He Makes You Feel Secure Or at Least Think "He's a Really Good Guy"
Now, this one can be tricky af because it's subjective. Some of my clients don't trust people, period, and won't feel secure with anyone at first. This may be true for you, too and that’s ok. After working with me, some of my clients find themselves in healthier relationships, and they’ve shared with me that when they give it some real thought (because remember, they still may struggle with trust), their partner is a really good guy — one of the best that they know. He stands out from all the others in their dating history.
This man is someone you can brag on! He's available to you and he shows up for you! He's proud of who you are and what you do. He’s always bragging on your accomplishments and wanting to show you off (mostly, because of how amazing you are, not just because of how you look). You can call or text him anytime, and he responds in an appropriate amount of time. He wants to see you every chance he can get, so he makes it happen regularly. And most importantly, you feel comfortable asking for what you need or want more of from him because he’s proven that he can and will deliver.
He Takes What You Say to Heart
In a healthy relationship, your partner values and respects your feelings. If you express being hurt by something they did or said, they have no problem apologizing and finding ways to change the behavior. They actively work on improving themselves and keeping the conversation open to make sure they're making progress with you.
He's doing his own work, sis! He attends therapy and reads to expand his knowledge about himself and the world around him. He may even be taking courses, enrolling in programs, or actively seeking support outside of the relationship to make sure he’s the best person for himself and those around him. He is open to trying new things and growing as a person.
And Here's The Thing, A Big Point of Difference
He may not be into everything you're into, but he still has your back. He loves seeing you hyped about something, even if it's not his thing. And he respects your agency and autonomy as a Black woman. He gets that your body is yours and you call the shots on when to get intimate, if you want kids, and who your friends are. He’s not interested in controlling you whatsoever because he’s secure.
As a Black Woman, You Deserve a Healthy Relationship
You might struggle with feelings of not being enough or question if you can find a partner who will be faithful and truly adore you. Maybe, you may settle for someone who's fine on the outside but doesn't meet your emotional and mental needs. There can be a fear of speaking up or hesitation around making changes in the relationship due to past experiences.
You’ve been in situations where you voiced your concerns, but your partner didn't listen or feel like he needed to make any changes. You might even have a pattern of entering relationships that you thought would be different, only to discover that it's the same ol’, same ol’. He spews all that sweet talk and promises at the beginning, but then he becomes complacent or even harmful. Then when the romance slows down, you panic and take on the job of trying to single-handedly fix the relationship.
Effective Communication is Everything!
But let me tell you, effective communication is everything! It's an indicator that both partners are still invested in making the relationship work. Through effective communication, partners can really learn about each other's inner world and it's really helpful when conflicts arise. It creates safety and intimacy in the relationship. You can be vulnerable and feel emotionally connected. And if your partner doesn't want to listen or make changes? Then it may be time to consider going inward and helping yourself.
A Healthy Relationship Needs Mutual Respect
When one partner doesn't respect the other, it can lead to feelings of inadequacy and hinder personal growth. It's a problem if your man tries to dim your light or stop you from achieving your goals. This can look like you feeling unsure about starting or expanding your business, turning down opportunities, or giving up on your career aspirations just to please him. But sis, his happiness is not your responsibility!
You deserve a partner who supports and cheers you on in all of your accomplishments. And the good news is, this type of partner exists! There are men out there who are turned on by powerful women. They want nothing more than to see their partner grow and succeed. It can be typical of women in heterosexual relationships to give up a lot for their partner's sake. Thinking that their partner needs to lead or he won’t feel like the "man" in the relationship. But that has nothing to do with you; he has work to do.
Boundaries Are a Must
So how do you find this type of healthy relationship? It starts with setting and enforcing boundaries. As a Black woman, you may struggle with voicing your needs and setting clear boundaries in relationships. You’re told to advocate for yourself but advocating can feel like a suggestion when you receive all the pushback. Your boundaries are the rules of engagement with you. They let people know, "This is how we can remain in a relationship together." You are so powerful and dope, and you've been discouraged from demanding what you deserve so that you don’t fully accept how amazing you are.
But there's no room for that timidness in a healthy relationship. You have to step into your bad bitchery and set the boundary. Then enforce the boundary. Show him that your words have meaning and you will follow through with consequences if he continues to cross the line that you’ve so clearly drawn in the sand. Be consistent in setting and enforcing boundaries, and don't let anyone make you feel guilty for doing so.
Therapy for Relationship Issues Can Help You Set Boundaries
Of course, establishing and maintaining boundaries can be challenging, especially if you've experienced unhealthy relationships in the past. However, it's important to know that it's never too late to learn how to do this, and foster trust and security in your relationships. As Black women, we deserve healthy relationships where we feel secure, supported, respected, and most of all, loved. Individual Relationship Therapy can be a powerful tool to help us learn and develop skills for building healthy relationships.
Individual Relationship Therapist: Supporting You to Identify Unhealthy Relationship Dynamics
Trying to convince yourself you're with the right man? Individual Relationship Therapy can help you explore your doubts, develop confidence in your feelings, and help you identify signs of unhealthy dynamics to watch for. It's important to remember that a healthy relationship should feel good, secure, trusting, and respectful. If you're struggling to find those qualities in your current relationship, Individual Therapy for Relationships can help you navigate the challenging decisions of what to do next.
Let's Build Healthy Relationships Together in Individual Relationship Therapy in Los Angeles, CA
You deserve a relationship where you feel respected, secure, and valued. One where your man supports and uplifts you, instead of holding you back. And as Black women, we deserve nothing less. We are the best and we deserve healthy and loving relationships. Let's work together to cultivate trust and security in our relationships, break unhealthy cycles, and learn how to set boundaries that honor our worth. With Bradlisia, a relationship issues therapist by your side, you can create the healthy relationship you deserve. She will be your online therapist who's been there and done that and can support you in building a life filled with love, happiness, and respect. It's time to put yourself first and take the steps towards healthy relationships. If you're ready to take that first step, reach out to Bradlisia today:
Learn More About Me and My Services
No more settling for less than we deserve – it's time to thrive!
Other Therapy Services Provided by Bradlisia Dixon, LMFT
Questioning if you're in the right relationship? Struggling with self-worth and confidence? Girl, I've got you covered. In addition to helping Black women build healthy relationships and set boundaries, I also provide therapy for Codependency Relationship Therapy and Self-Esteem Therapy. I provide online therapy for black women in Los Angeles, CA, so you can cultivate trust and security in your relationships from the comfort and privacy of your own home. So you can get back to being the bad bitch you are and thriving in your relationships. So, let's work together and make it happen!