I’m a Badass Black Female Influencer: Why Am I Not Successful in My Intimate Relationship?
Have you ever scrolled through your Instagram feed, struck by the glowing confidence of Black female influencers like Chrissy Rutherford or Yara Shahidi? These women exude success in their careers, whether it's through fashion, beauty, or activism. They have thousands of followers and are featured on magazine covers. Yet, behind the filters and perfectly curated images lies a contradiction: many of these same women struggle in their intimate relationships.
It's a contradiction that many successful Black female influencers face: achieving desirable success in the public sphere and yet navigating rough seas in their private spheres. You often feel unsupported and derailed at times by your partner. You may even wonder why success in one area of your life does not translate to success in your intimate relationships. But there are ways to balance being a badass influencer and having a fulfilling relationship.
Acknowledge Your Struggles
As a relationship issues therapist in Los Angeles, CA, I understand what you're going through. The reality is, that being a successful Black female influencer often comes with a unique kind of pressure. It's not just about the perfect posts or the followers. It's about the constant scrutiny and the occasional loneliness that can come with this visibility. You're expected to maintain a polished image for your followers, yet your personal relationships may not match that same level of 'perfection.'
But no one sees the behind-the-scenes. The judgment from your partner about what you do for a living. Wondering if they will approve of something you post and the overall concern about how your success is impacting your relationship. Sometimes, your partner even helps you with your work but then gets tired or frustrated and stops, derailing your content schedule. You feel as if you spend more time worrying about your relationship than actually enjoying it. Maybe you're thinking, "Why can't I figure out my personal life like I've figured out my professional life?" You might even feel a little ashamed about going through these struggles. But let me assure you, there's no need for shame. These struggles don't determine your worth. They're just part of the journey, and it's totally okay to need help.
Reflect on Your Personal Experiences
Take a moment to reflect on your experience. How do you feel when your partner doesn't support or understand your work? What thoughts run through your mind when you argue about the time and effort you put into your career? And most importantly, how does it make you feel about yourself and your relationship? Often, people think you don't have a real job, your partner included, because of the nature of your work. But what they don't realize is that being an influencer takes a lot of dedication, hard work, and talent. It's not just about taking pretty pictures and posting them online. And when your partner doesn't see that, it can be hurtful and discouraging.
You spend more time arguing with your partner about your work and it's taking up too much time in your day. You worry that this constant tension will eventually lead to the end of your relationship, or worse, derail your success as an influencer. But remember, your work is a part of you, and it's okay to prioritize it. You deserve a partner who supports and celebrates that.
Reflect on Your Needs
Take a moment to reflect on your relationship. Do you feel unseen by your partner? Does your partner support and encourage you, or do they add to your stressors? It's important to acknowledge these feelings and experiences. Remember that it's not selfish to grind hard for your career and pursue your passions. Your partner should be there to support and uplift you, not bring you down.
However, it's also important to think about your own needs and boundaries in the relationship. Are there certain behaviors or attitudes from your partner that are not acceptable to you? Can your partner respect your career and understand the demands it may have on your time and energy? These are important questions to ask yourself as you navigate your intimate relationship. Because you know you deserve a partner who truly sees and values you, both personally and professionally.
Let's Explore the Contradiction Together
In exploring this contraction, or inconsistency, let's pull from real examples we've seen in the influencer world. Consider Jackie Aina, who is now in a loving relationship, yet has openly discussed her toxic past relationships on her platforms. Or Keke Palmer, who became the first woman in 15 years to win an Emmy for Game Show Host despite her ex-partner's attempts to taint her image on social media and being physically abusive towards her. Even take a look at the journey of Lizzo, a badass influencer who uses her platform to spread positivity and body confidence. She, too, has been open about her battles with anxiety and relationship challenges.
These and countless other stories may resonate with what you’re experiencing. It's tough, right? Balancing the glitz and glam of the influencer life with real shit going on in your relationship. You may feel like you're living a double life. One on the screen that's all smiles, vacations, and brand deals, and one off the screen that's fraught with tension, insecurity, and disconnectedness. And somehow, you're supposed to navigate these two worlds without losing your true self.
Feeling Like an Imposter
When you're trying to balance these two worlds, it's easy to feel like an imposter. You may feel as though you're not as good as the others because your relationship isn't perfect despite the success you’ve already achieved. Or maybe you feel like a fraud because you talk about mental health and self-care on your platform(s), but haven't been able to prioritize therapy for yourself. You portray this beautiful life on social media but you know that's not the whole story.
But let's be honest, all influencers show their highlight reel, even if they preach authenticity. No one can or wants to show every aspect of their life. And that's okay. You should never feel guilty for not being able to share every single detail, even if you want to sometimes. That's a personal choice and you have the right to privacy if that’s what feels good to you.
Strategies for Finding Balance
So, how do you find balance when your personal and professional lives seem to be at odds? It can feel overwhelming to add yet another thing to your plate, but these strategies are crucial for maintaining healthy relationships while also excelling in your career.
Establish Boundaries
Creating boundaries is essential for any relationship. But it's especially important when work and personal life are so close in proximity. It's important to have designated work hours where you can focus on your job without interruptions. The same goes for personal time for yourself. Setting boundaries with your partner around work times and “you” time can be challenging, but imperative. You can, also, block off time to spend with them as well.
Study and Connect with Your Favorite Influencers
Remember, you're not alone in this. Reach out and connect with influencers who have had similar experiences. You can learn from each other, support one another, and feel less isolated. Take a look at Keke Palmer and what she has accomplished despite her relationship challenges. Follow and engage with Jackie Aina who shares valuable insights on self-worth and setting boundaries in relationships and on the internet.
Seek Professional Help
Or you can seek out a black female therapist in Los Angeles, CA who specializes in relationship issues therapy like yourself. There’s no shame in needing a little professional help. Remember, superheroes have their support teams too. Think of relationship therapy for individuals in Los Angeles, CA as your secret weapon. It's a safe and supportive space to openly discuss your struggles, untangle what parts you need to work on from the parts your partner should work on, and build healthier relationships. Working with a therapist isn't a sign that you couldn’t cut it.
It's a sign of strength. It shows you're committed to understanding yourself better and improving your relationship. Plus, it's a safe space to share your thoughts and feelings without judgment. So, why not give it a shot? You've got everything to gain, and only your worries to lose. Remember, you're a badass, dope-ass woman, and creator, and you deserve fulfilling relationships just as much as anyone else. With a little help and some good boundaries (that I’ll help you with), you can strike a balance between your public persona and your private life.
Balance Your Relationship and Your Influencer Life With Relationship Therapy for Individuals in Los Angeles, CA
So, let's make a commitment to finding balance. Start with small, manageable steps like setting boundaries and connecting with other influencers, and then seek therapy. Remember that it's okay to not have all the answers or to not be perfect. What matters is that you're willing to put in the effort and make changes for the better. And when you hit bumps in the road, just remember that it's all part of the journey and growth. With relationship therapy for individuals in Los Angeles, CA, you can find the balance you need to thrive in both your personal and professional life. Let's break the contradiction together, one step at a time. I'm Bradlisia Dixon, a black female therapist specializing in relationship issues therapist in Los Angeles, CA. My goal is to provide a safe and supportive space for women like you to openly discuss your struggles, untangle the web of confusion, and build healthier relationships. Together, we can find the balance you need to thrive in both your personal and professional life. If you're ready to get your relationship on track, let's connect and get started!
Learn More About Me and My Services
Let's make your influencer journey and how you feel in your relationship even more badass!
Other Therapy Services Provided by Bradlisia Dixon, LMFT
You are more than just an influencer. And as much as we love talking about the conflict between your public success and private relationship, it's important to address other aspects of your mental health too. I provide online therapy for black women in California because I want you to feel supported and empowered no matter where you are. My services include Individual Relationship Therapy, Codependency Relationship Therapy, and Self-Esteem Therapy. Just know where you are is where I have been, so I get it. But together, we can work through it. You got this, sis! Let me help you create a life that not only feels good to you but is also true to who you are beyond the influencer image.